Saturday, November 24, 2012

Settling for a Blow Job

Today was a weird day.  Had the day mostly to myself, but couldn't host.  Was lazily reading the paper, logged into the myriad hook up sites (Manhunt almost never produces any leads where you live.  Operative question: why do I continue to subscribe?  It's not even that great when I travel...) And, not getting any bites, I did something I haven't done in months:  I put an ad on Craig's List.  Well, let me correct that, I put several ads on Craig's List.

CL is very fickle; trying to hook up there is in some ways like playing the lottery.  I have found that on weekends it's nearly pointless:  if you are 27, can host with driveway parking, and have 42" shoulders, a 27 waist, six pack abs, and -5% body fat perhaps you could score.  It is nearly pointless to respond to a CL ad.  However, today I responded to two and actually got responses; albeit, long after I initally wrote.  On a Saturday nearly no one is really responding to ads before 11 a.m. (I placed the first about 9:30; on a weekday, however, this is an optimal time to place such an ad.)  Round two got bites; round three ~ noon got several different, and quite interesting, responses.

Today's CL experience defined email ping pong, ironic in that I always put in an ad "let's avoid email ping pong."  While I indicate respond with a pic, 75% don't respond with a picture and then need to be prodded into doing so.  When you respond "need to travel to you" after about eight back and forth messages the guy asks "can you host?"  When you respond "neg and std free" the guy asks in a message following the one where you thought you'd determined you were hooking up "are you neg?  std free?"  READ THE FUCKING AD.

Two the the guys who contacted me today couldn't host, as they each later revealed after about 30 minutes of back and forth,  and then wanted me to fuck them in the back of their SUVs.  Besides the possibility of arrest, there were additional considerations:  where to park?  temperature? (it is late autumn) clean up?  One such guy initially sent me a pic of him in black tie flanked by his apparent wife and daughter (what are you thinking dude?  Show some respect for your family!!!)  And, if you are married or partnered, point that out up front; cripes!  It's not a disqualification but is relevant information; in fact, for many many guys that is quite the incentive; it adds taboo.  What's the worst thing that's going to happen?  The other guy might say no? So you want to have the guy find out when you connect and possibly freak out? 

Several of the guys who expressed interest I have had bite before.  One is definitely certifiable (a former marine, who includes a 10+ year old pic of him in uniform adjacent to a flag, who had revealed entirely too much, but for which I am grateful.  It has helped me avert an awkward or worse experience.  He has responded to probably every since CL ad I have placed.)  Another I have had borderline hostile exchanges with (just makes me want to jump in the car and drive over...)  I mistook one for the fellow from the Frightening Fridays episode with the rump sprung bed (it wasn't him, but sounded like his doppleganger.  He later advised me he couldn't host but was clean and lubed and wanted me to fuck him in his truck.)  Another was an actual encounter from another Frightening Fridays episode:  the one who lied about nearly everything and had me panicked until I got my next blood test.  He was very anxious for me to come over.  Right...

One character asked me if I wanted to drive down to his place (about 10 miles south) or, if it was too far, to split a motel room.  I was willing to drive but he offered to split the room.  This seemed implausible, but I allowed him his fantasy of jerking me around.  He said he'd check into the room and email me when he was settled.  In the meantime I went to the bank and to the dry cleaner.  Was home by 1:00 never expecting to hear from the dude who wrote at 1:07 that "something had come up.  Could we try for next weekend?"

Now this is actually pretty entertaining, and it's actually no less than I expected.  However, even a blind pig occasionally finds an acorn, which is what I am thinking the rare instances I place or respond to ads on CL.

Well in the meantime I was logged into a4a.  Again, you usually only see the same guys you always see, but it's far more likely to produce action than MH.  Weekends though are usually terrible.  It's at 8 p.m. on Saturday night that you have the horn dog that needs to shoot that load who is asking you over when you can't get out (or at 9 p.m.; or at 10 p.m.  Sometimes at 2 a.m. when you've got insomnia and you think:  are you serious?  We've never met and you are asking me to your house at this hour?)

As it worked out, a guy I have checked out for two years was checking me out.  He has written me before but he's oral only.  I thought what the hell? Confirming he likes to suck as well I set out to connect with him. Negative, and a cute pic.

When I arrived it was evident the cute hunky pic was 15+ years ago.  Still cute, but a definite Santa Claus stomach, and his eyes are kind of rheumy/he looked late 50's. 
Click on the image to close
Still he was hunky, except his toe nails were yellow and kind of crusty (nail fungus) which grosses me out (once another guy had that, besides not trimming them, which I noticed after fucking him, making me nauseous...the nails, that is.)  Major concern were two enormous cats on his bed (I am allergic.)  However, he wanted to make it on an adjacent couch as his bedroom is his "sanctuary" (please.)  This involved awkward correography (me standing getting sucked; me kneeling sucking his cock; him kneeling sucking mine; not enough space for us to both lie together and properly rub our cocks together.)

He was definitely into sucking my cock and has a nice big one himself, which it was great to eat.  He also has great man musk, but I knew instantly he was a smoker (he doesn't kiss, and didn't stink of tobacco, I just knew it from his cock and ball musk.  Oddly, while I hate cigarettes, guys who smoke have great musk.)  He loved getting sucked and apparently he liked my technique.  We went at it for awhile and he was close and warned me; I said "go ahead/you are neg, right?"  I was in the mood to have a guy shoot in my mouth.  Instead he pulled back and said "you don't want to do that".  Well, I quickly deduced he wasn't taking my load either.  Anyway, we went from sucking each other to stroking each other (he was a bit rough/my cock isn't a stick shift) and he came first:  interestingly a clear load.  He wanted to see me cum and using his cum as lube stroked me off (one good thing) and I came pretty quickly.  It was okay and actually best that it ended quickly; we made chit chat about home improvements while I redressed. He walked me to the door and I gave him a kiss which seemd to please him, but I then said "sorry, I forgot you don't kiss." 

All in all, it was short timed, which I expected, but unfortunately it was less than I expected, and I had low expectations.  I don't envision an encore; I think I should have just rubbed one out at home (though I did enjoy sucking his cock.)  Good think he didn't want to get into some comfortable 69 on his bed; as soon as I left I could feel the affect of being near his cats.  I have been scratching since then; if I'd been on the bed I'd have broken out into a rash for sure.